Having been a roaming "expat" for most of my early life (my parents were diplomats), we moved across continents throughout the '70s. Each time, we had to adapt. We learned at a young age that going from Buenos Aires to suddenly finding yourself in the middle of Tehran meant things were… different. But a lot of things were also the same. As kids, I guess it was easier to adapt and see cultural differences through a different lens, maybe coz we had no options but to adapt.
One common thread in all these moves was that they were always to big cities, and to me, big cities felt comfortable. But as an adult, the hardest and most difficult adjustment I ever had wasn’t moving across the world—it was the two times I moved to the American suburbs. I felt like an expat in my own country.
This is a great description of the experience. I moved to Spain about the same time as you moved to Serbia (April 2022), and have no plans to ever move back (especially now with the way things are there). The language thing is as difficult as you mention (especially as we get older and perhaps don't have as much brain space for new languages?), but I try to converse as much as possible here in Spanish.
One other positive to mention (at least in my mind) is that I basically gave away/sold/got rid of almost everything I had accumulated over the years. It was so great to not be burdened by so much stuff. I've done well to not start re-accumulating as well.
I had the strangest dream-- you were signing copies of your comic book (?) in the middle of my town in the UK, and I had this giant dog pulling me every which way like Beethoven, Turner & Hooch, one of those classics.
In my waking life, I do not own a dog, but in my dreams I often do (maybe I should get a dog?). Anyway, the reason I'm sharing this is the dream dog dragged me along and I said hello to you, and asked you how your experience was moving to Serbia.
When I woke up I didn't think much of it, but in the land of contrivance, I saw your post just now, so now I'm wondering what my dream dog knew that I didn't last night.
Thanks for sharing this post, as insightful as always!
It's interesting that the designation expat is reserved almost solely for North Americans and West Europeans while the rest of us are saddled with the terms migrant and immigrant, when there's functionally no difference in the formal definitions. You never hear of a Mexican expat the same way you never hear of a German immigrant.
I don't want this to come across aggressive or anything like that but why do you see yourself as an expat and not an immigrant? Didn't you also move countries for better living conditions?
Hello, stranger on the internet who seems to be hurting in a way I exacerbated with my word choices. I predominantly used the term “expat” as that’s what the people in the US who are sending me requests for info prefer. You’ll notice, if you go back, that when indirectly describing an actual experience I had at a government office, I specifically said expats and immigrants. Personally, I feel like an expat when I’m directing my operations manager’s work on the Serbian company that handles my remote gigs, and like an immigrant when I am stumbling around trying to fend for myself in recreational hours. That’s a bias based in distinctions of privilege which come from having cushy remote work. It speaks to something not yet well formed in my mind about the difference in terms having to do with race, as you articulate, and also with class which is often tied up with race. Furthermore, a bluesky discussion sparked interest in my end regarding the concepts and words used to describe foreigners who have relocated in as many languages as I can get info about. It’s a vast and sticky subject, and I apologize for the upset I seem to have caused.
As for the concepts of “moving for better living conditions”, that’s a common fallacy that often occurs. Firstly, I was under very few illusions about the fact that my chosen country comes with an equal yet different set of difficulties. Secondly, while I don’t expect people outside of Serbia to be up to date on the news here, you can search “Serbia protests” or “Serbia student protests” for an idea of how true my first statement is. Thirdly, and this part is delicate, I often avoid telling people in the US who are projecting fantasies of moving onto my life the reality, because people need hope.
Apology accepted. I'll try to find the bluesky discussion in question and read your thoughts there. I think the Guardian op Ed I linked below reflects how I feel about the subject if you are interested.
Thanks so much for posting about your experiences as an expat. As a man who's worked for a German company in the U.S. for 17 years now and been blessed enough to travel all over the world for work, I've struggled constantly with the idea of moving over to Germany full time. However, after reading your post, I am SO glad that I never made the move, especially in light of my brutally bad language skills. I carry a head full of shame as it is, I don't need to add "language shame" to that burden LOL.
Great post!
Thank you. Is it wrong that I value praise from successful writers and close friends a little more than from people I don’t know or know of?
I’m honored! You’re a successful writer, too!
Having been a roaming "expat" for most of my early life (my parents were diplomats), we moved across continents throughout the '70s. Each time, we had to adapt. We learned at a young age that going from Buenos Aires to suddenly finding yourself in the middle of Tehran meant things were… different. But a lot of things were also the same. As kids, I guess it was easier to adapt and see cultural differences through a different lens, maybe coz we had no options but to adapt.
One common thread in all these moves was that they were always to big cities, and to me, big cities felt comfortable. But as an adult, the hardest and most difficult adjustment I ever had wasn’t moving across the world—it was the two times I moved to the American suburbs. I felt like an expat in my own country.
Thank you for this—it speaks to the (even within a country) differences in cultural norms and environment architecture really beautifully
Stoya, any chance your cats could write a similar essay? lol
Failing that, how'd you manage moving your cats? Any advice on what does/doesn't work?
This is a great description of the experience. I moved to Spain about the same time as you moved to Serbia (April 2022), and have no plans to ever move back (especially now with the way things are there). The language thing is as difficult as you mention (especially as we get older and perhaps don't have as much brain space for new languages?), but I try to converse as much as possible here in Spanish.
One other positive to mention (at least in my mind) is that I basically gave away/sold/got rid of almost everything I had accumulated over the years. It was so great to not be burdened by so much stuff. I've done well to not start re-accumulating as well.
Thank you!
I had the strangest dream-- you were signing copies of your comic book (?) in the middle of my town in the UK, and I had this giant dog pulling me every which way like Beethoven, Turner & Hooch, one of those classics.
In my waking life, I do not own a dog, but in my dreams I often do (maybe I should get a dog?). Anyway, the reason I'm sharing this is the dream dog dragged me along and I said hello to you, and asked you how your experience was moving to Serbia.
When I woke up I didn't think much of it, but in the land of contrivance, I saw your post just now, so now I'm wondering what my dream dog knew that I didn't last night.
Thanks for sharing this post, as insightful as always!
It's interesting that the designation expat is reserved almost solely for North Americans and West Europeans while the rest of us are saddled with the terms migrant and immigrant, when there's functionally no difference in the formal definitions. You never hear of a Mexican expat the same way you never hear of a German immigrant.
I don't want this to come across aggressive or anything like that but why do you see yourself as an expat and not an immigrant? Didn't you also move countries for better living conditions?
Hello, stranger on the internet who seems to be hurting in a way I exacerbated with my word choices. I predominantly used the term “expat” as that’s what the people in the US who are sending me requests for info prefer. You’ll notice, if you go back, that when indirectly describing an actual experience I had at a government office, I specifically said expats and immigrants. Personally, I feel like an expat when I’m directing my operations manager’s work on the Serbian company that handles my remote gigs, and like an immigrant when I am stumbling around trying to fend for myself in recreational hours. That’s a bias based in distinctions of privilege which come from having cushy remote work. It speaks to something not yet well formed in my mind about the difference in terms having to do with race, as you articulate, and also with class which is often tied up with race. Furthermore, a bluesky discussion sparked interest in my end regarding the concepts and words used to describe foreigners who have relocated in as many languages as I can get info about. It’s a vast and sticky subject, and I apologize for the upset I seem to have caused.
As for the concepts of “moving for better living conditions”, that’s a common fallacy that often occurs. Firstly, I was under very few illusions about the fact that my chosen country comes with an equal yet different set of difficulties. Secondly, while I don’t expect people outside of Serbia to be up to date on the news here, you can search “Serbia protests” or “Serbia student protests” for an idea of how true my first statement is. Thirdly, and this part is delicate, I often avoid telling people in the US who are projecting fantasies of moving onto my life the reality, because people need hope.
Apology accepted. I'll try to find the bluesky discussion in question and read your thoughts there. I think the Guardian op Ed I linked below reflects how I feel about the subject if you are interested.
https://www.theguardian.com/global-development-professionals-network/2015/mar/13/white-people-expats-immigrants-migration
https://www.mdpi.com/2075-4698/2/1/1
Thanks so much for posting about your experiences as an expat. As a man who's worked for a German company in the U.S. for 17 years now and been blessed enough to travel all over the world for work, I've struggled constantly with the idea of moving over to Germany full time. However, after reading your post, I am SO glad that I never made the move, especially in light of my brutally bad language skills. I carry a head full of shame as it is, I don't need to add "language shame" to that burden LOL.